Attempt the Impossible
by Air Guardian
Summary: In other words, the author attempts to write a sterotypical Girl-Joins-Weiss-fic. And knowing this author, she'll fail and it'll turn out yaoi.
1. Default Chapter

Attempt the Impossible (The Author Attempts to write a Girl-Joins-Weiss Story)

~isabelle

Disclaimer: Weiss and Schwarz are owned byI forgot. The fic Parody of Girl-Joins-Weiss Story is written and owned by Tish-chan. I, however, own myself and all my personalitiesaka muses. I dun own the people from Hanakimi either. *weep* I want a Umeda!

[[This is gonna be yaoi isn't it?]]

Isabelle: *looks hurt* It's a girl-join-Weiss story. Why would it be yaoi?

[[Cuz you can't write anything that's NOT yaoi.]]

Isabelle: Oh yeah? Want me to write another Filia/Xelloss fic?

[[that's Weiss Kreuz]]

Isabelle: point takenah wellon with my pathetic attempt.

[[It's gonna be YoujixAya/AyaxYouji, isn't it?]]

Isabelle: SHUT UP! YOU TRY TO WRITE THIS FIC WITHOUT ME THEN!

[[]]

~*~

It looked like a huge movie sethell, it was a movie set. Isabelle sat in the director's chair while the Weiss boys were wandering around, lazilythough Ken was trying to not stumble over equiptment. Tracy glared at him across the room for a second, then resumed glaring at Isabelle.

"How much am I getting paid for this?"

Isabelle looked surprised. "Paid? Who said—"

"SHI-NE!" That came from the obvious.

"I mean, OF COURSE ALL OF YOU ARE GETTING PAID!" Under her breath, she mumbled, "Shit"

Isabelle waved a thick set of papers around in her hand to get everyone's attention. It didn't work.

"I HAVE COFFEE AND DONUTS!!"

Everyone looked up, surprised.

Isabelle sweatdropped. "Okay, now that I've got your attentionfinally, let me tell you all what you're here for. I, for the first time in my life, am gonna attempt to write the sterotypical Girl-Joins-Weiss fic."

Omi raised his hand.

"you're not in school."

The genki assasin shrugged. "Didn't you write Kitty Hazard? Wouldn't that be a Girl-Joins-Weiss fic?"

"Kitty was FIVE."

"Still a deadly little child."

"Yeah, well, she didn't know any better. This is gonna be PURE Girl-Joins-Weiss cause I'm gonna follow the guidelines that Tish-chan set out on her fic."

Tracy cleared her throat. "Uh, does Tish-chan know you're using her parody?"

"it's all I can pray that she doesn't sue me"

""

"Anyway, Tracy is going to be the girl. Let see the requirements. She must be hot and sexy anddamn, I gotta write a thirty lined paragraph on how Aya thinks her make-up matches with her clothes and all that crap."

"What?" That was Youji in a very icy voice.

Isabelle sweatdropped. "Great. I already failed. Okay, Youji, let me make this clear for you. IT. IS. ONLY. A. PLAY. WE'RE. GONNA. PUT. ON. No one is taking your beloved Aya from you. However, Aya I do need your thoughts on make-up."

""

"Aya?"

Ken sweatdropped. "This is his thought on make-up. Takatori."

"SHI-NE!"

"That's it."

There were tears in her eyes. "But that's not gonna take up thirty lines!"

Tracy shrugged. "So shorten it. And plus, I don't wear make-up unless it's a mission that my goddess gives."

"Tracyyou have a mission."

"I'm not Heero.

"" Isabelle cleared her throat. "Okay, moving on. You need a really mystical name. Tracy doesn't cut it."

The air guardian deathglared. "I stick to my name."

"How about naming you Destiny or something like that."

"NO."

Omi peered over the requirements. "Just let her keep her own name. Everyone's gonna get confused."

"The bishounen is right," Youji commented. He was clutching his wire in the most deadly fashionhe didn't like what was going to happen in this play'.

"Okay," Isabelle flipped a page, not caring that Baliense was about to remove her head with his wire. "Hot temper and sarcastic tongue. Well, we've got the sarcastic part down fine. Now, we need a hot temper."

More glaring from Tracy's direction.

"ErI suppose the hot temper could be translated into that Now, Youji starts flirting with—"

Aya's head snapped up from the downward position it had been in. "Shi-ne," his hissed. "I will NOT allow that!"

"Aww," Isabelle teased. "So protective over your koi---OW!!" The altered ego rubbed the spot on her forehead where Aya's katana case had been thrown. "Violent too. Aya, as I said to Youji, please don't take this all too personally."

The red head relaxed half a hair.

"Alright, the next part is easy. You have to be good at the sword. You're the damn guardian of air. It was in the job description. However, the part after that isn't gonna be so easy. You must," Isabelle lowered her voice for a dramatic affect," cower with fright as you get cornered and suddenly lose all your sword skills as Aya saves you."

There was silence.

Tracy's eyebrow twitched. "I'm outta here."

"NOOOOO!! OMI! SAVE MY STORY!!"

Bombay ran to the already leaving Tracy and stood in front of her with his huge, blinking eyes. "Please? Can't you stay Tracy?" He made his most genki smile.

Tracy melted into a puddle. "Wellalright."

"Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou Omi" Isabelle prayed as Tracy sat back down. Omi skipped over to the other side of the stage where the rest of Weiss was hiding.

"Next, you all congraulate her and make her a permanent member of Weiss, YES, EVEN YOU YOUJI, blah, blah, blah. Ah, we have some girlxAyathat's a big wire, Youji."

"Yes it is."

"I'll give you my wine collection if you let me go alive."

Youji thought for a moment. "Okay."

Aya looked hurt for a second, but then Mr. Stick-up-my-ass took over. "Humph."

"Aya-kun! I didn't mean it that way! We're getting paid on this remember?"

"So something happens and Aya gets mad and Tracy yells at him for being a cold hearted bastard and that stuff."

"You're determined to make me more and more into a hypocrite, aren't you?" Tracy said. "And I. Don't. Yell."

"Well, act like you're yelling. So Aya goes and visits—"

Ken interrupted. "I thought you were just going to tell us the requirements for Tracy."

Isabelle shrugged. "It wouldn't hurt to know some of the dialogue, now would it?"

"Iguess not."

"Anyway, Aya goes and visites his sister who's still in a coma. Tracy gives herself a little speech of, to love or not to love, and follows him anyway with amazing agility and silence."

"about who I am" Tracy began.

"I KNOW, I KNOW! I know you're a realm warrior! I know you already have a boyfriend! Justplay along!"

Tracy sighed leaned back against the wall.

"So you follow Aya to the hospital wondering just what the hell he's up to when you hear the little speech Aya gives to Aya-chan. You get all guilty and stuff, like how you usually are anyway, and give yourself a little speech on how you shouldn't have been that mean to Aya and you don't know what he's been through and that crap. Tish-chan never really gave an ending, so I'll make up some sappy ending. So, everyone, you know your roles right?"

"Where am I in this plotline?" Omi demanded.

"congraulating her on a good job?"

Another sigh from the air guardian. "Really, I don't see why you just couldn't have gotten Nagi or Kitty"

"Kitty's FIVE."

"Well, she does hit twelve in the middle of the fic."

"Please no," Youji muttered. "Cute kidbad memories. Lets just start this damn thing so we can all go home and do," he paused for a minute and waggled his eyebrows at Aya, "fun things."

The redhead felt the top of his cheeks become the same color as his hair.

Isabelle pretended to not notice. "Alright, places everyone! Umeda, hit the lights!"

WHACK!

"NOT LITERALLY!!"

"Stupid little bitch, she's not paying me enough,"Umeda grumbled under his breath as he flipped the stage lights on. "Oh well, anything's better than spending time with that Akiha."

"Who's filming?"

Akiha grinned from behind the camera.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"UhUmeda-sensei?"


	2. ...and the rest of the horror...

~Key~

Regular- Off screen

Italics~on screen

~

_ The sun was shining and the birds were singing and—_

"CUT! WHAT IS THAT AWFUL NOISE?" Isabelle demanded.

"Birds." Akiha flatly replied.

"leave that part out."

Anyway, Weiss was gathered in Persia's uhhoffice for their next mission.

"There's this new guy out calledBob, but we don't know who he is and what he's doing. All we know that is that you have to kill him. Oh yeah, we also don't know where he lives and that sort."

"How are we supposed to kill him then," Ken asked.

Persia gave him a blank stare. "You're WEISS."

"Oh," he replied if that explained everything.

"Another thing is that we're adding an addition to your group. She's an assasin from Amercia but we don't know anything about her."

"Why?" Omi asked.

Persia shrugged. "The author said we had to have her."

"CUT! Persia!"

"Fine, I'll edit that part," Persia said back.

Persia shrugged. "She seems to have some connection with Bob."

Youji raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you didn't know anything about this guy."

There was silence. Persia muttered something under his breath about a script not well developed. "Look, just accept her and then go kill Bob. Is that good enough?"

Aya nodded and got up to leave.

"Shit," Tracy cursed as she pulled over to park the motorcylce in front of the flower shop.

"Wait a minute. Motorcycle?" Isabelle glanced at her in puzzlement.

"Rista took my car!"

"Oh"

"Oh, Kevin is going to kill me once he knows I took this with out asking him." She looked around for the Weiss boys and pretended she had no clue of what they looked like. An man in his forties walked past as an extra on the set.

"Are you Ken Hidika?"

The man gave her a strange look and walked more quickly now.

Inside the rather nicely duplicated flower shop, Ken slightly banged his head on the wall in defeat. "This is NOT happening"

Tracy got off her—erKevin's motorcycle, lifting the helmet off her head. "There goes two hours of forceful brushing," she muttered darkly under her breath.

"What was THAT?!"

"Nothing"

The rest of the Weiss boys, taking Ken's head banging as a signal to start, walked outside. After shooting several touch-my-Aya-and-die-by-my-wire' looks at Tracy, Youji immediately switched to his most sexy tone of voice and walked very close up to Tracy.

"Soyou're the new recruit eh? Very pretty figure," he said in a low voice, pretending to look her over several times.

Tracy's glare was just as deadly. "Touch me and die." In a softer tone, she hissed, "I've got a boyfriend. There's not way I'm gonna steal Aya."

"Oh. Okay."

"DAMNIT! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE NON-YAOI!!!"

Umeda leaned against the wall, smoking. He had gotten over the apparent fear of getting glomped. "Calm down, you freak author."

"UMEDA-SAN!" came Akiha's voice.

"AHHHH!!" Wellnot quite.

Aya came in several seconds later than everyone else for that dramatic effect. Don't ask me how it's supposed to be dramatic. It just is. His eyes swept over Tracy lazily, wondering if she had what it took to complete the mission. Even if she didn'tthe Weiss boys were fine with out her help. But oh well. They were getting paid for this.

His purple eyes went to her face and the first thing he noticed was the

"Make-up!"

make-up.

"Thirty lines!"

Aya tried to think ways of commenting about her make-up. Perhaps the fact that Tracy was not wearing any didn't help.

S

.

H

.

I

.

N

.

E

.

"Oh well, close enough."

His acting was so intense that he almost missed Omi's question.

The genki boy had obviously taken a liking in Tracy, play or not. Well, then again, Omi tended to like everyone even if they were the enemy. The genki boy had walked right up to her and introduced himself.

"I'm Tracy McGinnis," she replied back.

"And I," Youji wiggled his eyebrows, "am Kudou Youji. Are you free tomorrow night?"

"" Tracy lacked a smart reply because of the level of strangeness she was facing.

Isabelle's eyebrow twitched.

__

So she switched to the obvious. "No."

"And why not?"

"Because by tomorrow night, I should be gone."

"Oh." Youji hadn't really expected that answer. He expected something I mean, we're talking about Tracy here.

"I'm Ken Hidika."

Tracy gave a nervous laugh. "Oh, so you're him!" she said, in a fake voice as if she had never set eyes on him before. "Sorry"

"Yeah, yeah, I saw," Ken said dryly.

""

It was Aya's turn.

"MUSIC!"

Umeda flicked a certain switch when he made sure that Akiha was back behind the camera.

Beasts of Blood by Malice Mizer fills the huge stage room.

"What the hell?" Isabelle looked confused.

Umeda bit his tongue from laughing. "Uhmaybe some one switched the CDs?"

Isabelle narrowed her eyes. "We'll talk about your paycheck later. Meanwhile, shut that music off. Good song. Bad combination for this scene."

Grumbling about money, Umeda flicked the switch off.

They stared at each other in silence, glare meeting glare.

To the observer, perhaps they were judging each other. Perhaps they thought each other was attractive, yet too afraid to admit it.

To Isabelle, she knew they were battling over who would get the bigger paycheck.

Finally, Ken interrupted the silence with an intelligent "Uhh"

"Aya."

"Tracy."

"Good." Aya turned around and walked into the flower shop.

"We left out the hot-temper part," Akiha pointed out.

"Tracy refuses to raise her temper. Just how many times have you seen her lose her temper in serious situations?"

""

"My point has been proven."

Scene change. It miraculously became midnight. Omi and Ken were getting ready for the mission while Youji was laying on the couch, smoking like hell. Aya was in the corner polishing his katana. They were waiting for Tracy who was coming from upstairsbackstage.

Finally, she entered and accidently' knocked on the wall while at it. It was the secret signal for staring. 

The Weiss boys stared.

Youji blew out another smoke ring. What she was wearing was close to Kitty's outfit at the endbut then again, Balinese reminded himself, Tracy's technically was Kitty herself.

But lets not get into that. You'll have to read Kitty Hazard.

Her outfit was what she wore on most missions for her goddess. Leather black pants and a halter top with black gloves that were fingerless and reached up three forths of the way on her arm. The only difference were her bootswhich had heels on them.

"How am I supposed to run with heels?"

"I don't know!" Isabelle replied. "And don't talk to me. I'm not supposed to be here, remember?"

"I'll break my ankle!"

"Spare me the pity, Tracy. You've had worse."

Shooting her opposite one last glare, she went back into character. "Well?"

The Weiss boys continued staring.

"Oh, I forgot." Tracy knocked on the wall again. "Well?"

"Lets go," Aya said in his normal monotonous voice.

As Tish-chan wrote and I quote, the mission was quite a regular one. Bunch of bad bodyguards, no Schwarz for the sake of making the plot simpler, lots of blood, and no evidence. It was normal. Too normal. So normal that Tracy got bored and tossed away the sword and reached for her gun

"Oh, NONONONONONONOO!!!"

and dropped it. She went back to her sword again, cursing at Isabelle for being director. It would have been so much easier just to blow everyone's brains out. Well, considering the fact that the bad guys' had brains. They were so desparate the some of them actually flung themselves at the blade.

By sudden chance', Tracy found herself separate from the others and cornered. Actually, it was just a bunch of beefy looking guys. They resembled pork chops. Tracy knew that Isabelle would never use real people, just simulated people. However, even illusions can hurt. She raised her sword and

"HELLO?! DID YOU FORGET!?!"

sweatdropped. Tracy rolled her eyes and dropped the blade. She pretended to cower in fright. In other words, the air guardian's eyes got huge and she started cursing. Tracy hoped all the damns' sounded like whimpering. At least, close.

It was almost time

One beefy guy grinned cheerfully.

"UMEDA! STOP PLAYING AROUND WITH THE STIMULATION!"

"Sorry"

But the grin quickly turned into a scowl. Tracy tried to scream. It didn't work. The air guardian just simply did NOT scream at will.

"NO COFFEE!"

Tracy screamed.

By another miracle, Aya showed up right then and there and sliced and diced the sumo wrestler-wannabes.

The light was casted in back of Aya so it would give the dramatic shadowing effect. His shadow over...er...shadowed Tracy and he saw the while, pale, trembling face.

"Aya"

Aya, thinking that this was all an act, developed a soft sounding voice and said, "Did they hurt you?"

"Ayadid everyone seriously drink up all the coffee?"

Silence. The red-head had facefaulted.

Isabelle smacked her forehead. By many, the air guardian was considered a dangerous enemy and rival. But only one thing could get her down "This is embarrassing"

__

It was cued that Omi, Youji, and Ken had to wait for Tracy and Aya to show up. No, Aya and Tracy could not wait for them. It wasn't traditional. The main characters always must get waited on.

Omi took one look at Tracy's pale face and asked probably the only real question in the whole play. "Are you okay?"

Suddenly, the expression on the air guardian's face was wiped off. "Yeah. The altered ego just attempted to scare me a bit."

"HEY! THOSE AREN'T THE LINES!"

Scene re-take. Aya and Tracy entered the scene and according to the script, they didn't look at each other but looked' at each other. Or at least, attempted too.

Under extreme pressure, Youji resisted cracking his whip in Tracy's face.

"Are you two okay?" Omi's voice was lessreal this time.

Tracy nodded. "Abysassian saved my ass." Under her breath, she muttered, "More like reassured methat Isabelle is gonna DIE"

"Excuse me? Did I just hear my name being taken in vain?"

Scene change. By some other miracle, they all ended up back in the flower shop. Somewhere between when Aya and Tracy rejoined everyone else and now, Bob was killed by Aya's katana. The details aren't important because, when in a Girl-Joins-Weiss-Story, they focus on the girl.

Manx dropped in with a played out satisfied look on her face. "That mission went better than we thought it would go."

"Considering the fact that one of the stimulations started polka dancing right in front of me," Ken muttered.

"Polka dancing was it for you?" Omi hissed. "One of the guys was pretending to be a wasp or something!"

Manx ignored the two as if they hadn't said anything. "Persia and I had a long talk and we've decided to add Tracy permanently to Weiss."

Silence.

The wind blew.

"AHEM! IT'S JUST A PLAY!!!"

Ken's face brightened up. "Welcome to the team!"

Omi cheerfully followed his example. It wasn't that he didn't like Tracy. He did. Buthaving a girl join Weiss for real "I'm glad you're with us now. We could sure use your help."

Tracy pastered a fake smile like everyone else and made herself blush a bit. "Well, I'm sure you guys were doing fine before me"

"Oh no," Youji cut in as he put an arm around her. "Weiss never looked so good"

Aya gave her a deathglare but quickly remembered that it was only a play and Youji was only acting. He just sat there, acting like

Tracy sat there, blinking.

Isabelle smacked herself with the script, wondering where Tracy's naturally sarcastic character went.

They all glanced at her, to see if the director had knocked herself out.

"No."

"Damn," they chorused.

Anyway, back to the script.

So the scene changes and it's the next day, and the boys are working in the flower shop with hundreds of random girls going in and out of theset. The drooling and the squealing that came from the extras weren't exactly called acting' since they did it in real life anyway. A couple of hundred girls decided that the red hotty (^^) over the counter needed some company and immediately began fussing over Aya. The red-head was trying to become invisable but it wasn't very effective. Tracy, at the most RANDOM time, decided to walk in. She saw Aya in the most uncomfortable position and a BRILLIANT idea that just RANDOMLY popped into her head.

Random. Totally random. Very random. I mean, she couldn't even describe how ra—

"OKAY! We get the idea!"

The black haired teen glomped onto Aya's arm and forced a sickingly sweet smile onto her face.

The girls looked at her in real disgust. After allit was THEIR Aya-kun she was glomping.

"Who are you?" one random girl asked.

Tracy hearted. (Hearted = when in manga, there are hearts that come after dialogue. Wellthat's what Tracy just did.) "I'm Aya's girlfriend!"

The girls froze.

Aya froze.

Youji dropped some flowers and started coughing. Violently. He then remembered that this was a play and what he and Aya could do AFTER the play. Ahhthe imagination of the playboy started working it.

The girls, angry at this sudden change', stomped out of the set and off the stage. According to the camera, they just simply stomped out of the shop.

The set became very empty.

Omi figited.

The wind blew.

Ken bumped into the wall.

"ITAI!"

The red head cleared his throat. Itwas time to begin acting moody.

Tracy sighed. For her, it was type to be a hypocrite.

Aya made a 180 degree turn and stalked off to the backroom and upstairs, a murdurous look on his face, slamming the doors behind him.

Tracy mocked shock and rushed after him. Her eyebrow was twitching with well-faked anger. She tried to open Aya's door but

"DAMNIT! OPEN UP, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!"

Isabelle rubbed her ears. "Not bad, not bad at all. But um, Tracy. Be ANGRY. You yell at Lorac and the dark blooded people everyday like that."

Again, the air guardian sighed. "RAN FUJIMIYA, OPEN UP YOU LITTLE –BEEP- -BEEP- -BEEP-!!!!

The door swung open and a sullen looking assassin greeted her with a deathglare. "What?"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"

Aya tilted his head and rubbed his ear. "I'm standing right here. Why do you have to yell?"

The notch on Tracy's eyebrow quit twitching. "Oh, sorry. It's just that Isabelle wants it for the mood' of the story. We'll get more pay that way."

"Ohthen resume shouting."

"ARE YOU MUTE? CAN'T YOU EVEN SAY A WORD OF THANKS?!"

Purple stared at her blankly. "I never asked for your help."

"DAMNIT. YOU WOULD BE DROWNED UNDER THAT DROOL IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME! DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL, YOU COLD-HEARTED BASTARD?!"

More blank staring. "I've only known you for two hours."

"Just play along," Tracy hissed through the side of her mouth.

"Oh." He coughed. "NO," Ran answered in a monotonous voice and slammed the door in her face.

The twitching started once again.

Scene change. It's night now and Aya still hasn't come out of the bedroom. Tracy was sitting on the couch, pretending to watch TV. The rest of the boys arewell, you really don't have to know since this is a Girl-Joins-Weiss-Story and it only focuses on the girl and her romantic interest.

She heard the door open behind her and some one walking down the stairs, but doesn't turn around. After all, she's still mad. Once Tracy heard Aya leave the store, she pretended to turn off the TV and sighed sadly.

"Maybe I should say sorry," she said to herself in a dull voice. Walking out of the shop she began tostalk Aya.

Mission Impossible music plays in the backround.

Meanwhile, she has to start thinking to herself about some stuff. But since Tracy's acting, she has to say her thoughts out loud. "Why the hell do I want to apologize anyway? I mean, it was his fault for being such a cold idiot. Perhapsperhaps I love him? But I can't! How can I love some one so cruel?"

Umeda-sensai cracked up and got whacked by Isabelle's thrown shoe.

__

The stalking mission lead her to the hospital where she sees Aya with Aya-chan. There, she hears Aya pouring his heart out to his sister.

Now, the Aya-chan used in the play was actually Omi in a wig.

Anyway, moving on, Tracy started pacing back and forth in the hall of the hospital set. Outloud, she started talking to herself again. Sappy, mushy, GROSS music started to play in the backround. "I should have been more considerate and stopped jumping to conclusions," she murmured softly. "I mean, Aya's got a sister in a comaHe's going through a lot. I should have been more understanding. I should have been more caring. I should have been moreis this speech done yet?"

"Aa" Isabelle drawled, also getting a little tired of the mushiness.

Now, Tish-chan says there's no real ending to a Girl-Joins-Weiss-Story so

Ran walked out of the door only to ACCIDENTLY bump into Tracy. They stared at each other for a while, not saying anything.

Finally

"Is it done?" Aya asked.

"Yeah, it's done," Tracy answered.

"THANK GOD!" Omi cried and jumped out of bed while ripping off the purple wig. He was wearing a white hospital gown with nothing under it.

Isabelle drooled.

Akiha switched the camera off. "That was a crappy ending."

"I know, but Tish-chan said that Girl-Join-Weiss-Fics never really end. SoI just left it to the people's imaginations."

"And they're going to imagine my head being chopped off," Tracy growled. "I want my money now so I can get out of this hellhole."

"Amazing," Isabelle said dryly. "Once away from the camera, you resume your cruel self. Why weren't you sarcastic on the set?"

"Because of the level of strangeness"

The camera person grinned. "Anyway, the job is done. Time to chase my beloved."

"You're WHAT?!" Umeda yelled, scandalized, as he was glomped by Akiha. "GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!!!!!"

"" came from both girls.

Meanwhile

Strong hands slid over Aya's body as a husky voice greeted his right ear. He felt mist on his neck as he heard, "You know, that was pure torture for me"

A rare smile greeted the red head's lips as he replied, "Why? Were you jealous, Youji?"

"Hell yeah," he said back. "You know, I found an abandoned closet in the back. Why don't we"

That was the last time anyone saw them on the set.

[[*cackle* The...end...]]


End file.
